oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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