found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
