HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
