glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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