Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
