she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
