Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
