highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
