here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
