Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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