Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
