party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
