If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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