Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
