put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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