he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
