There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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