Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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