I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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