We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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