Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
