It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
