found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
