I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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