Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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