It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
