You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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