Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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