I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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