think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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