First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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