i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
