i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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