there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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