he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
