my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
