...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize