Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
