went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The power of my boobs compel you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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