Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
why is half of my head shaved?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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