I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
