I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
