I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
