If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think i got beer on your cat.
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