Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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