he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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