Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
