; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
