Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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