Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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