If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
