Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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