I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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