Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
