something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
