Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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