You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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