Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
