There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
zippers are such a cool invention
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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