Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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