I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you would pick up someone in the library
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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