I want to stick my p in your. b.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
