He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
