what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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