she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
