You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize