Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
NoShamevember. You game?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to be your penis for a week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
