Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
