dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
